dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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