i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
