You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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