So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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