it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
