He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
