When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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