that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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