Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize