when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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