i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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