i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
God, I missed his penis.
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