in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
birth control should be required to get into college
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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