I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
