That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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