My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
