couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
