So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
