To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
