I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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