I hate all girls vehemently.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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