if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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