Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
