I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
