i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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