dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
