So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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