someone get that fucking seahorse.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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