just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
