I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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