i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to make out with him forever
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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