Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
