As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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