My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
