You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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