Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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