At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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