If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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