he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
