i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
