smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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