So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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