she was so not down for the gang bang
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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