i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
