ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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