false alarm. still invincible.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
