did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
420 ftw
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
