Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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