My Higher Power is John Stamos
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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