Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
FUCK WHALES
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
