my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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