Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
