She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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