hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
