Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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