Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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