I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
