Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All the doctor said was why
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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