I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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