4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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