She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
