So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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