All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
