he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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